You can support your child’s ability to achieve a level of calmness and bring herself into a calm state by giving soft touches on the back or by providing a favorite soft blanket for her to cuddle and hold.
TIPS
Support your child in times of difficulty. If your child has a hard time when you say “no” to something, remain compassionate and empathetic. When it comes to tantrums, the most common parenting advice given is to ignore the tantrums and they will go away. This is not the best advice because it can make your child feel undervalued or unsupported.
It is important to acknowledge your child’s feelings by saying, “I understand you are sad” and waiting nearby for the difficult behavior to subside. Toddlers have a hard time because they are still trying to figure out who they are and develop their sense of identity in the world. Offer emotional support to help your child work through his challenges. Arrange plenty of downtime between activities.
Offer a five-minute warning, then a two-minute warning, then a ten-second warning to help your child transition between one activity to another. These are simple actions that can help your child cope and calm down.
When your toddler has a tantrum, the following coping mechanisms will help you:
- See the tantrum from your child’s point of view. Tantrums can occur because your child is tired or hungry, causing her not to feel well or to be irritated. As you see the situation from your toddler’s point of view, you will have compassion to be able to deal with her tantrums.
- Remember, you always have options. If a tantrum begins somewhere in public, you don’t have to stay. Feel comfortable picking up your child and going home. Sometimes a good nap will help, and you can try again another day.
- Consider whether saying “no” is absolutely necessary. What alternatives are there? You may be saying “no” to candy at the store, but perhaps you could say “yes” to fruit, some crackers, or another healthful treat.
Encouraging your child’s independence is not an easy job; it takes patience. But the long-term benefits are worth it. Your patience with and support of your child will help him gain mastery over self-regulation skills and become more independent.
The good news is that your child is at the age when he wants to have more independence and learn how to do things himself (putting on socks or carrying his plate to his chair). At first the desire and need for greater independence can lead to a struggle between your desires and the desires of your child. This can lead to screams, tears, and frustration. This age period is commonly described as the “terrible twos” (even though these types of independence-seeking behaviors start when your child is a toddler). Tantrums can be extremely difficult to manage. Your child will stomp his feet, kick his legs, yell, and throw things.
Realistic expectations, patience, and sensitive guidance on your part are important for your child and can help make the “terrible twos” pretty terrific!
Allowing your toddler to exercise independence will give him confidence and build self-esteem.
